Culturebox: Skating With the Stars

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television Skating With the Stars Tiny costumes, forgotten celebrities, and fun for the whole family. By Troy Patterson Posted Tuesday, Nov. 23, 2010, at 5:39 PM ET A tall young man in a lean gray suit was blaring schmooze into a hand mic. His accent was unforgivingly Mancunian, and his tone music-hall brassy. Something in his manner made it seem probable that he had arrived at his position as a TV-show host directly from an apprenticeship at the valet stand. He said his name was Vernon Kay, and he told me to prepare myself for a reality competition featuring costumes "even tinier" than those worn on Dancing With the Stars. Was this TLC's annual little-people lingerie fashion show? Was it that time of year already? No, it was Skating With the Stars (ABC, Mondays at 9 p.m. ET), and Vernon roared, "If you like watching celebrities fall over--and let's face it, who doesn't?--then you've come to the right place." Shortly I grew concerned that the particular half-dozen celebrities on offer were not of the proper timber to produce satisfying thuds. Though there was an early promising glimpse of Bethenny Frankel at full rictus, lips coated the red of the fruit of temptation, mostly Skating With the Stars resembled Fresh Meat on Ice. Here was a Disney-channel dreamboat, smoothly mugging; his smile, broader yet than Bethenny's, bared healthy gums. Here was a soap actress. (To be clear, the woman is an actress on a soap opera, not an actress made of soap, though the latter seemed more likely at frequent intervals.) Say hello to the skier Jonny Moseley, an Olympic gold medalist in 1998, which is not a recent year, though admittedly an extraordinary one for Chateauneuf de Pape. Put your hands together for Vince Neil, late of Motley Crue. While you are reading this, somebody somewhere in America is overtipping a stripper named Jasmine as the Crue's "Girls, Girls, Girls" plays, plays, plays, and in that context, Vince is an immortal. On your TV, however, he is most noteworthy for not looking half so unwell as Bret Michaels. To continue reading, click here. Troy Patterson is Slate's television critic. Join the Fray: our reader discussion forum What did you think of this article? POST A MESSAGE | READ MESSAGES Also In Slate Palin's New Book Proves She's Still Hung Up on Her 2008 Loss TSA's Biggest Mistake: Not Revealing Exactly How Far the Pat-Downs Go How U.S. Policies Are Crushing Our Tourism Industry and Harming the Economy	Advertisement
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